She's Gone
by Brittanawanky
Summary: It's exactly five years ago since Maura left, and Jane finally finds her.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Rizzoli and Isles.

A/N: A very special thank you to my awesome beta, **emalinourie**!

**Triggerwarning: Suicide. **

* * *

It was exactly five years. 1826 days since Maura had left her, leaving her alone in an empty house with a yellow sticky note. A yellow sticky note which smelled like her and had her beautiful handwriting all over it. A sticky note Jane still had, and cried whenever she looked at the yellow piece of paper taped to her closet door.

It had been fifteen years since Jane and Maura had met each other, ten years since they had started dating, five and a half since they started talking about having children.

Four years since Jane had moved away from Boston and tried to start a new life.

''The number you dialed has changed, disconnected or is no longer in service.'' Jane grew frustrated again, she had heard this voice every day since Maura had left her, hoping she'd pick up. She kept trying every day, she needed to hear her voice, needed to talk to her.

Just like every day she dialed her mother after she called Maura. Every day she would accuse her mother of speaking to Maura, she knew she did, she had heard their conversation once when her mother thought she was alone. Her mother would deny it every time, telling her she didn't. When Jane asked for Maura's address, her mother would say she couldn't, just like every day.

Jane cried after angrily screaming at her mother and hanging up the phone, wanting to throw it against the wall. She knew better, though. She had done it numerous times, and regretted it afterwards; she always had to ask people if she could lend some money. No one wanted to lend her money, though. They all knew she couldn't pay them back. She knew only one person who would lend her money for a new phone; her little brother Tommy, he had a big heart.

After she was done eating, she decided to go to sleep. She was tired of crying, she was tired of not speaking to Maura. It didn't take her long to fall her sleep, her eyelids felt heavy and closed within seconds.

When she woke up the next morning, sweaty from having a nightmare, she made a decision. She would try to find Maura one last time, she needed to. She couldn't live like this any longer; Maura was her soul mate, her best friend, her only friend.

Jane grabbed her phone and dialed the number she hadn't called in years. ''Janie, are you okay?'' Frankie asked, his voice filled with concern.

''Frankie, I need to talk to her.''

''You know I can't Janie.'' He sighed.

''Please. I need her, I'm going crazy.'' She had been going crazy since forever, but she couldn't stand it anymore. She couldn't deal with the pain she felt, not anymore.

''Ma is going to kill me if she finds out.''

Jane sobbed into the phone. ''Please.''

* * *

Frankie had picked up Jane from her apartment to drive her to Maura. He knew she would find out her address one day, anyway. Knowing how his sister could get if she was angry or upset, he preferred to drive her than visit her in the hospital because her eyes were too clouded with tears to see anything on the road.

Jane had had a long night after Frankie agreed to drive her to Maura's, she couldn't sleep. She was too excited to see her Maura again, and just a little bit scared of what was to come. What if Maura didn't want to see her?

Jane was pulled out of her thoughts by her little brother, who clapped his hand on her tight and smiled at her. Reassuring her that it would be ok, even though he knew it wouldn't.

''This is it.'' Frankie said as he stopped the car in front of a huge house.

''This is huge!'' Jane gasped, not being used to Maura wanting to flaunt her money. The house was twice as big as Maura's old house and the yard was bigger than her own apartment, filled with flowers and statues.

Jane kissed her brother's cheek and hopped out of the car. She swaggered towards the front door and knocked thrice, just like she always did when she visited Maura unexpectedly.

''Just a moment!'' A voice, so familiar to Jane, came from inside the house.

Jane bit her lip, she had been waiting for this moment since the day Maura left her. She wanted to know why Maura packed up her stuff and disappeared, she wanted to know what she'd done wrong. Jane rubbed her sweaty palms together, looked at her brother who still waiting in his car, and smiled.

''Jane?''

Jane's eyes went wide and she turned her head so quickly she could've gotten whiplash. ''Y-Yeah.'' Jane quaked. Maura was looking gorgeous as ever; her hair was still the same honey color as before and still had those beautiful curls in them, just how Jane loved it. She hadn't seemed to age at all, except for the few wrinkles around her mouth and eyes, she still looked like five years ago. When Jane looked into Maura's eyes she gasped, she'd forgotten how breathtaking they were, she could stare into the hazel colored orbs for hours, just like she'd done that night after they had had hours of love making, they'd just lay there and stare into each other's eyes until Maura fell asleep. It was the best night of her life.

Jane took a big breath and smiled. ''Hey.''

Maura narrowed her eyes. ''Jane, how did you find me?'' She hissed.

''Frankie drove me.'' She threw her thumb over her shoulder, pointing at the car. Jane was getting more and more nervous by the second. She'd never heard Maura sound angry like that. ''I just- I needed to see you.'' She stammered while looking at her shaking hands.

''Jane, I don't think-''

Jane shook her head. ''Maura, please let me explain why I'm here.'' She pleaded.

Maura glanced behind her and then back at Jane. ''Okay.'' Came the whispered answer.

''Five years ago you left me without telling me why, and it killed me. It still is killing me to not know what I did wrong. To push you so far away that you felt like you couldn't stay with me one more second to explain what was wrong.'' Jane rubbed at her eyes furiously, she didn't want to cry anymore. Especially not in front of Maura. ''I tried searching for you when you left, you know. I tracked your phone, but it was turned off. I tried tracking your credit card, but you haven't used it in ages. I tried to find out where you lived, but nothing came up.'' Jane wiped the tears that escaped her eyes. ''It killed me, emotionally. I tried to go to work every day, but not having you there was horrible. That place reminded me so much of us, of our happy memories we shared in that building. So, I moved away.'' Jane shrugged and laughed. ''But that also didn't work; you followed me everywhere. Everywhere I walked I thought about you, thought about how you'd like that dress or how you'd love the scenery out there.''

''Jane, I never meant to hurt you.'' Maura wiped at her own tear streaked cheeks and sniffed. ''I thought it was best for you.''

''Maura, I loved you so much and I still do. You are best for me.'' Jane stepped forward and held Maura's face between her hands. ''Please come home with me.'' She sobbed.

Maura shook her head. ''I can't.'' It came out strangled, her voiced laced with hurt.

''Maura honey, who's at the door?'' Before Maura could reply a handsome man came into view. He had a clean shaven beard, blue eyes and dark hair.

Maura quickly wiped her tears away and smiled. ''Jane, this is Brandon, my husband.''

Jane wanted to scream, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to take Maura home with her and live happily ever after.

''I've heard a lot about you Jane.'' Brandon extended his hand for her to take.

Jane shook his hand and politely smiled back at him. ''All good things, I hope.'' She forced herself to laugh out loud.

He nodded, confirming her. ''If you two beautiful ladies would excuse me, I have to get to work.'' He pecked Maura on her mouth and offered a wave to Jane.

When he was gone, Jane coughed awkwardly. ''I should probably go, too.'' Jane blinked furiously, trying to keep the tears in.

Maura nodded. ''I really did love you, Jane. I did what I thought was best for you.''

Jane's blood boiled. ''How would you know what was best for me? You leaving was the worst thing that ever happened to me. We were planning on having a family, for god sake! How could you do that to me?!'' Jane fumed. She couldn't believe this, how was this best for her?

''I thought you deserved someone better, someone who could truly make you happy.'' Maura sobbed. ''I didn't believe I was good enough for you.''

''You could've just talked to me, ev-'' Maura laid her hand on Jane's mouth to silence her.

''It doesn't matter anymore, Jane.'' She whispered. ''I think you should go.'' She closed the door while silent tears leaked onto her cheek. When the door was closed, Maura leaned against the door and sat down, her tears flowing out of her eyes like rivers. She couldn't come back in Jane's life like that and hurt her again, she knew she wasn't good enough for Jane and it wasn't fair to both of them. They both went through immense pain the past few years, even though Maura had a husband, she still was hurting. She believed Jane deserved someone better, someone stronger than herself. She twisted her wedding band, she regretted the decision of marrying someone she didn't love, but Brandon was the second best option after Jane.

* * *

The week had gone by slowly, Jane had lain in bed all week without eating anything. She was exhausted from crying, exhausted from everything. She was emotionally drained.

She was going crazy; her phone was constantly going off, piercing through her ears with the familiar ringtone for when her mother was calling. She'd called at least ten times the past week. Jane knew it was normal for her mother to call her every day, though. Either Jane called her once a day or her mother called her, if she didn't. Jane hadn't called her for a week now; she didn't want to get up from her comfy bed to answer the phone, having to explain why she hadn't answered her phone for a week now.

She sighed and turned around to look at the safe that was standing on her bedside table, she'd been looking at it since she came back from Maura's house. The visit to Maura had drained her, she didn't feel anything anymore. The crying had stopped a few days ago, when everything in her body went numb. She didn't feel the need to cry anymore, she didn't feel the need to eat anymore, she only got up to go to the bathroom. She didn't care that she hadn't had a good workout for over a week, she didn't care she hadn't brushed her teeth for over a week. The only thing that swam through her mind was how her life was pointless. No Maura, no family, no job, no friends. Her life meant nothing, everything she loved was gone. She used to call Frost and Korsak once a week to catch up, and met up with them often. Since she quit her job four years ago, she hadn't talked to them and they hadn't made an effort to see how she was doing, she hadn't either, though.

She hadn't talked to her father for more than 4 years, either. When she'd moved away she hadn't heard anything and when she tried to call him he didn't pick up. She didn't know what happened why he didn't want to talk to her, just like with Maura. People obviously liked to leave her by herself without letting her know what she'd done to fuck things up so badly.

She punched the code in and fished out the only item that was in there. She stood up and picked up the sticky note that she still had and walked to the bathroom. Taking a piece of tape, she taped the yellow piece of paper to the wall in front of the bathtub, and sat down against the bath. She sat with the gun in her hands looking at a sticky note her ex wrote her five years ago. How pathetic was that? She laughed.

She looked at the gun in her hands, she'd never used this weapon before. It was always just laying around for emergencies, if someone broke into their house. She had kept it when she'd moved away, to protect herself when it was really needed.

She loaded the gun and took a big gulp of air and pointed the gun to her head. Jane pulled the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey guys! I received a few reviews/messages with the request to make a chapter from Maura's point of view. I had thought about it before, but I wasn't too sure about it. After some thinking I decided to write it, and well, here's the outcome! Don't forget to like/review, it means a lot to me.

I hope you guys enjoy. :)

Special thanks to my beta **emalinourie**!

* * *

Maura got out of bed with effort, picked her outfit for the day and went to work. It had been six days since she closed the door on Jane, and she couldn't stop thinking about her. They had only talked for fifteen minutes, and now she regretted not taking her time to talk to her. It had been a long time since they had seen each other, at first it went by slowly, until she met Brandon. He was sweet, and he listened to her, but she wasn't in love with him.

It had only been six days since Jane left, but it felt like years to Maura. She wanted to talk to Jane again, maybe they could be friends. Maura simply couldn't imagine her life without Jane, anymore. She realized walking out on Jane five years ago had been a mistake. She knew it was stupid of her to just pack up her stuff and leave nothing else but a yellow sticky note with nothing more on it than a single sentence_. __I feel trapped_. She knew she couldn't say it to Jane without breaking out into hives, so she wrote it down. It wasn't true, she was very happy with Jane, but sometimes she felt like she was holding her down, like she wasn't good enough for the beautiful detective. She now knew it was silly, Jane loved her as much as Maura loved Jane. Jane was right, if Maura had just talked to her, everything would've been fine. They would've had children by now. Maura smiled at that thought, how she would love to have children with Jane. She closed her eyes. Brandon wanted children too, but Maura couldn't imagine spending her whole life with him, even the thought of little Brandon's walking around made her nauseated. It didn't feel right.

She called up Angela like she did every day. She was like a mother to her, and she had never stopped, even though Maura left Jane. When Angela picked up the phone, she asked for Jane's address, telling her that she needed to see Jane. Angela gave it to her without hesitation and wished her luck.

The next day Maura prepared herself a weekend bag and cooked meals for Brandon so he wouldn't have to cook. He wouldn't know how to, anyway. She called him up and explained him why she was leaving for a weekend or so, he didn't question her; he was only going to be home later today, he had to go to meetings the rest of the weekend like he did every other weekend. Maura didn't believe him, she knew he slept with other women. His t-shirts always smelled like women perfume she had never used before, and once there was lipstick on his sleeve. She had no idea how it had gotten there, but she didn't want to know.

She slung her weekend bag over her shoulder and locked the door behind her.

* * *

Maura had received a call from Angela while she was driving, instructing her to come to Angela's house first. She had asked why, but the Italian woman didn't want to tell her.

So there she was, knocking on Angela's front door. It took mere seconds before the door flew open, revealing a very happy looking woman.

''Thank God, Maura, it's really you!'' The woman held her arms open and pulled Maura into a bear hug.

Maura didn't have the chance to say anything before she got shushed inside. Angela guided her to the dining room. Maura gasped, the whole table was full with damping hot food. She must've just finished cooking, Maura smiled politely at Angela and sat down.

''I figured you must be hungry after such a long drive,'' Angela said and sat down herself, scooping a good amount of spaghetti onto her plate.

They ate in silence before Maura excused herself, she had to see Jane. She had to at least drive an hour to get there, since Jane didn't live in Boston anymore. She thanked Angela for the meal and walked towards her car.

''Maura, wait up.'' Angela ran towards her. ''I just want you to surprise her, you know, I think she'll like that,'' she said while handing a spare key to Jane's apartment. Maura wasn't so sure if that was a good idea, Maura had closed the door on Jane after all. Angela insisted it was a good idea, so she took the key and got into her car, waving goodbye to Angela.

Maura slung her weekend bag over her shoulder again and began to walk the stairs to Jane's apartment. She didn't go as fast as she would've liked with her heels, but at least she looked good. When she arrived in front of Jane's apartment, she opened the door with the key she had gotten from Angela. When she quietly closed the door and put her bag on the ground, she heard a deafening sound.

Her heart beat in her throat; she was pretty sure that was a gun. She was pretty sure that gun was fired inside Jane's apartment. She ran towards the sound, falling over her own feet twice. She tried Jane's bathroom, but it was empty. She tried the kitchen, but it was empty too. She ran towards the only closed space she hadn't checked yet, and threw open the door.

Maura stood in the door opening, she couldn't move, she couldn't scream, she just saw Jane lying on the ground with a gun and a pool of blood around her. The seconds ticked by before her mind began to work again, she quickly ran towards the hallway, fished her phone out of her bag and called 911.

Only when she hung up on them, she realized what was going on. She ran towards the bathroom again and quickly took Jane's pulse. She gasped when she felt a pulse, it was barely there, but it was still something. Maura let out a relieved laugh, causing her tears to spill out more. ''Hold on Jane, I'm here.''

Minutes later an ambulance arrived, Maura felt much more relieved. Yes, she was a doctor, but she was much more comfortable with working on dead people. She was much more comfortable if Jane wasn't in a critical condition.

When they refused to let Maura ride the ambulance with Jane, she took off her heels and made a dead bolt to her car, riding closely behind them the whole time. Ticket be damned, she didn't care at the moment, the love of her life was dying.

When they rushed Jane into surgery, Maura had no choice but to wait in the waiting room. She was numbed, Jane had just tried to commit suicide. Maybe she would succeed. Maura's eyes teared up at the thought of not having Jane in her life, again. She couldn't handle it if her best friend was dead. She knew there was only a twenty percent chance Jane could live, but it was still something she could hold on to.

She had been alone with her thoughts for hours now, and the only thing she could think about was why Jane wouldn't want to live anymore. She thought she knew why, but she didn't want to make assumptions. Maura was sure Jane hadn't been thinking clearly, Jane would never want to end her live, she loved her job and her friends too much. Even though she brought herself in danger every day, she wouldn't want to hurt herself when it wasn't needed.

* * *

Maura awoke with a startle. When she opened her eyes she was disorientated, but quickly came to realization that Jane had really shot herself, and that it hadn't been a horrible nightmare. She wasn't sure how many hours she had slept, and before she could check what the time was, her name was called.

''Ms. Rizzoli?''

Maura was confused for a moment, until a woman next to her got up. ''Yeah, that's me.'' Maura had forgotten all about her, she hadn't even called her, she was in too much of a shock to think about anything other than Jane.

She tried listening to the conversation they had, but their voices were hushed.

When Angela sat back down in her seat next to Maura, she couldn't stop herself from asking what the latest news was, since she couldn't ask any of the nurses herself; she wasn't family.

''They say she's out of surgery. She's still alive, but they're gonna keep her in a coma to settle the brain down to allow all of the swelling to calm down, or something.'' Angela wiped at her tears. ''They're going back in again to see how much damage there has been done.''

Maura nodded, that was a good sign. She knew that Jane was still in a critical condition, but there was a little more hope than before. She was in the hospital, they had fixed the bleeders and she was still alive. Now all they could do was wait.

It had been exactly a month since Jane shot herself. Since that day Maura had bought a house close to Jane's apartment, moved all of her stuff in there and filed a divorce. Maura went to Jane every day, to bring her flowers and talk to her. Maura knew that most people were able to hear you when they were in a coma, so she kept hope and talked about her day like she did every day.

When Maura was about to go home again, she noticed a twitch in Jane's left hand. She thought she had been imagining it, until it twitched for a second time. Maura looked up to Jane's face, and saw that both of her eyes were open. Maura's eyes filled up with tears, seeing her beautiful best friend open her eyes for the first time in a month was the best thing that happened in Maura's life. Happy tears leaked from her eyes when Jane tried to speak, but Maura knew that it was very likely that Jane couldn't talk right away, or do anything else for that matter. ''It's okay, I'm here.'' Maura sobbed, kissing Jane's hand several times. ''I'm not leaving you, ever again.''


End file.
